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Once you start living together, you may realize that you have different priorities and tolerances — like, for instance, what does or doesn't constitute a mess.
"People have to come to terms with the reality that 'we really are different people,'" says Ellyn Bader, a couples therapist.
Even when participants had to guess how their partners would rate themselves on intelligence, athleticism, and attractiveness, they were only right about 30% of the time.
A 2009 study led by researchers at the University of Denver found that most couples moved in for other reasons besides test-driving their relationship before marriage.
The link between income and infidelity is more nuanced than that.
"It's Not You, It's the Dishes" coauthor Paula Szuchman recommends a system where each person specializes in the chores they're best at.
Helen Fisher, a psychologist and relationship expert, told Business Insider that it's unclear when exactly the "in love" feeling starts to fade, but it does so "for good evolutionary reasons," she said, because "it's very metabolically expensive to spend an awful lot of time just focusing on just one person in that high-anxiety state." Back in the 1950s and '60s, Canadian psychologist Eric Berne introduced a three-tiered model for understanding a person's identity. Controlling for premarital happiness, the study concluded that marriage leads to increased well-being — and it does so much more for those who have a close friendship with their spouses.
He found that each of us have three "ego states" operating at once: • The parent: What you've been taught • The child: What you have felt • The adult: What you have learned When you're in a relationship, you relate on each of those levels: • The parent: Do you have similar values and beliefs about the world? Friendship, the paper found, is a key mechanism that could help explain the causal relationship between marriage and life satisfaction.
A study of 3,000 Americans who had ever been married found that age discrepancies correlate with friction in marriages.
The Atlantic's Megan Garber reports: "A one-year discrepancy in a couple's ages, the study found, makes them 3 percent more likely to divorce (when compared to their same-aged counterparts); a 5-year difference, however, makes them 18 percent more likely to split up.